


a flaw rotted in the net

by olandesevolante



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Head Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Light Swearing, M/M, Slash, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-02 12:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14544696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olandesevolante/pseuds/olandesevolante
Summary: David finally transfers to Real Madrid; one day, during training, he gets injured and forgets his recent past. When he wakes up, he thinks he's still playing for Manchester United.





	a flaw rotted in the net

**Author's Note:**

  * For [2davidbeckham3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/2davidbeckham3/gifts).



> -dear 2davidbeckham3, I hope you're going to like this story! :)  
> -when I prompted this I aimed for funny, light... And then I wrote this, I don't even know;  
> -I've luckily never suffered from temporary amnesia, so I took all the information about the effects and the cures from the internet;  
> -title from the English translation of the poem "In limine" by Eugenio Montale;  
> -English isn't my first language, I apologize for every mistake.

_Stranger than lover’s love is lover’s hate._

_Incurable, in each, the wounds they make._

_(Euripides, Medea)_

When David tries to open his eyes, he finds his eyelids too heavy to do it; he has to try different times before actually succeeding. His limbs feel numb, distant, he feels his body sprawled on the bed but he doesn’t have enough strength to collect himself. He turns his head –slowly, because everything in his sight seems to fall on one side with just that movement- and when he tries to say something all that comes out of his mouth is a raw noise that scratches against the wall of his own throat.

«He’s waking up,» a womanly voice says. It arrives muffled to his ears. He moves again his head a bit, carefully, until he sees a woman and a man standing beside him, both dressed in white.

«Good afternoon, mister De Gea,» says the man. «I am doctor Sanchez. How are you feeling?»

David tries to speak again, but his throat hurts too much to do it. The nurse quickly helps him with a glass of water and a straw. David wouldn’t let her do all the work here, but his arms are so heavy that just for this time he’s not going to pass on the offer of being fed. Only for once.

«I am... Tired? I don’t know, everything in my body seems to weigh a ton. And my head hurts like crazy, too. What’s this place?» David is sure he has never been here, and it doesn’t look like it’s a facility care of the training centre. He’s seen the infirmary many times, and he’s pretty sure it looks different.

«We are at the hospital, mister De Gea. Do you remember why you’re here?»

David opens his mouth to answer, then blinks and just stares at him, waiting, as he doesn’t have a clue about what to say.

«You suffered from a concussion during training.»

 _Oh_ , he thinks. That explains why his head feels strange, at least.

«You were unconscious for some seconds, and when you woke up you threw up. Your team called an ambulance to have you checked at the hospital, and during the transport you fainted again.»

Now that the doctor has said it, David has some images of that moment, especially of the searing pain in his head when he woke up the first time; he remembers feeling bad even just to keep his eyes open. He guesses that now meds have kicked in, because it still hurts but it’s numb in comparison to what it was before.

«Is there someone among my teammates I can blame for lying now in a hospital bed?»

The doctor can’t really suppress a smirk. «I can’t be totally sure about it, but I heard your teammates saying it’s Sergio Ramos’ fault. You can ask them, though, I am sure someone is waiting for you to wake up and see you.»

David nods at first, an image of Juan being anxious in the corridor clearly painted in his head and a rush of tenderness at the thought, then frowns. «Doctor Sanchez? I... Was I training with the national team?»

The doctor stops his search on David’s medical records and looks at him straight in the eyes. «No, why?»

«You said Sergio Ramos, but... I don’t remember, did we buy Sergio Ramos?»

He can see the doctor’s eyes going wider when the realization sinks in.

«Mister De Gea, where are we?»

«At the hospital, or so you said.»

«Yes, but of which city?»

«Manchester, isn’t it?»

When the doctor closes his eyes and doesn’t answer right away, David senses that something is wrong. Starting from the fact that only now he realizes he’s been talking the entire time in Spanish.

 

\-----

 

Despite the anxiety and the confusion, David can’t help smiling broadly when he sees Isco entering his hospital room and giving him a hug.

«Mate, you made us all worry so much! When you were lying the on the pitch it was horrible, I swear, one of the worst moment ever of my life in football! Do you remember who I am, at least?»

David hears the joking note in his voice and rolls his eyes in fake annoyance at his friend. «Jerk.»

«It’s good to see you awake, really.»

Isco is sincere and David is grateful for having near someone who’s like a brother for him now that he doesn’t know what’s happening. «Thank you. Can you tell me what happened? The doctor said the memory is going to come back soon, won’t take longer than a few days for a complete recover, but I am kind of curious.»

Isco’s smile falters a little. «Well... The doctor also said we shouldn’t tell you anything because that won’t bring your memory back, you have to remember it on your own.»

«Come on, I don’t want a detailed account of my games with Real Madrid, I just want to know what happened during training. I want to know if I can blame it all on Ramos or not. Damn, it’s so strange to think I play with Sergio,» he says, lost in his thoughts for some seconds.

His friend ponders it for a handful of seconds, then scrolls his shoulder: «Guess this won’t be a problem. I hope, at least, but if the doctor asks, I’m not the one who told you things.» He blinks an eye at David before going on: «Well, we were just playing a five against five match. Anyway, there’s a cross in your area, Sergio gets a bit overexcited because no one is on him and runs towards the ball, pushing you away to score. Except he pushes you against the post.»

David doesn’t remember any of this, but the mere thought of his head crashing against the post is enough to make him shiver.

«It was so scary after that. You woke up but then you were sick and so pale, I’ve never seen you like that. They brought you here and no one could end training, we all decided it was better like this. The coach was here too before, but he had a problem and couldn’t stay here to wait until you woke up but I told him I would stay to see you. I think he’s going to come before the night to check on you.»

«Thank you for staying here. I really needed to talk to someone after having discovered I forgot I’m not anymore in England.»

«Come on, I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if I haven’t seen you being fine after that. And also, Juan likes me but I figure he’d have my head on a plate if I failed to report to him what was going on. Speaking about, Juan will be here tomorrow, when you’ll wake up, he’s landing in the night. He took the first flight he could, but he couldn’t make it sooner. Don’t worry, mate, your boy is coming to kiss it better.»

David wants to smack Isco for that remark, but he’s grinning too, his chest is already bubbling in expectation at the thought of having Juan here taking care of him. He’s usually not much of a clingy person, but he’s sick and he tends to become such, in this occasions. He’s already dreaming of sleeping the next night in Juan’s embrace, comfortable and loving.

 

\-----

 

«...he’ll be fine in a couple of days, he’ll get his memory back without problems, it’s just a minor concussion.»

David wakes up with the low sound of voices in his room.

«Yeah, I’ll stay with him in the while, to make sure he’s fine.»

«Juan?» asks David as soon as he hears these words. He’s having some issues with opening his eyes yet, but he’s sure he knows the owner of such voice.

«Oh, he woke up finally. Good morning, princess,» and this time he has no doubts about who might be the one addressing him this way. Isco can be the only one.

David sets his eyes on Juan with a smile, feeling at last something like peace flooding his veins, because he knows Juan will make everything in his power to make him feel better, less out of the world than he feels now that he thinks he’s still in England.

Except, Juan doesn’t intercept his eyes. He keeps his stare low, fixed on the sheets on David’s bed, and doesn’t reach for his hand even when the doctor gets out of the room with Isco and they’re left alone.

«You should get ready,» he just says. «Isco says he’s going to give us a lift to your home with his car, but I think he has training scheduled this morning, we shouldn’t keep him waiting long. He has already spent here a lot of time with you, he can get some hours of sleep at least before playing football.»

David smiles, because those words are exactly Juan’s, always thinking of the others before himself, but the more he looks at him, the more he think there’s something not working with him. He looks... sad, there’s no other way to describe the way his mouth curves in a different smile than his broad trademark smiles, and how his eyes are fleeing, distant. Sure, Juan must have been worried about him and his injure, but David wouldn’t describe the man he’s looking at as worried.

«Yeah,» it’s all that David answers, slowly moving out of the bed and testing the stability on his feet. Juan takes a step towards him, as if ready to help him, but then as in an afterthought he keeps his distance and gives David space and time to dress himself. The goalkeeper is about to ask him if there’s something wrong (there _is_ something wrong, that’s not even a question, he just wants to know what), when Isco enters the room, and he decides not to say anything in front of someone else and just finishes to get dressed.

Juan leaves the back seats to David on his own, saying that at least he can be more comfortable with more space all for him, and sits next to Isco. David bites his tongue because no way ever Juan lets him ride alone after having been in a hospital, no matter that it would be kind of rude to the Isco to make him act like a taxi driver. So he just spends the time on the car in silence, slumped against the glass and utterly tired in his bones, and doesn’t really try to take part in the conversation between Juan and Isco. He doesn’t even really listen to what they say, their voice are just the background of a strange, unsettling sensation that there’s something he’s not understanding.

David gives a brief hug to Isco before he leaves to thank him for everything he has done in the last 24 hours before entering his own house.

«You should relax. The doctor said you have to avoid physical efforts. If you’re hungry, I can arrange something light, the doctor said you shouldn’t eat too heavy in the first days.»

«You cooking? Seriously? Not calling for take-out?» David can’t help asking that, since Juan and cooking never really went along well. It elicits a little smirk from the midfielder and his cheeks redden lightly, in the most Juan-esque reaction David has seen since when he woke up this morning. He takes a step towards him and tries to grip Juan’s hand with his own, craving to feel the touch of his boyfriend. But as soon as their fingers crash, Juan jolts away.

«Just go and lay on that sofa, will you? I’ll survive in your kitchen on my own.» His tone isn’t harsh, but it’s also not what the goalkeeper would expect from him.

David wants to say that no, he has no interest in laying on his sofa while his boyfriend runs away from him, but they gave him a lot of painkillers and he needs to sit down at least, in order not to collapse on the floor. So he gives up on any request of explanations and goes sitting on his sofa, trying to relax. Ten minutes later Juan emerges from the kitchen bringing some sandwiches on a plate that puts on the small coffee table in front of David.

Then, without talking, he doesn’t sit next to David, but he goes straight to the window and starts fidgeting with the curtain, his eyes fixed outside, looking at something in the garden. David just can’t.

«Juan, tell me what’s wrong.»

«There’s nothing wrong.»

«Yeah, sure. The fact that you haven’t touched me since you arrived, not even by mistake, is surely not an issue. I love having my boyfriend here staying at least a metre away from me.»

Juan pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers and takes a deep breath. He opens his mouth to answer, then closes it without saying a word, looking more uncomfortable than ever. David is a second away from asking (screaming) if his coffee table is actually that more interesting than him.

«The doctor says it’s better if we don’t tell you anything of what you don’t remember, so that when you’ll remember them you’ll be sure it’s your memory and not something your brain built out of the things we told you.»

David inhales. «That’s not an answer.»

«Look...» starts Juan, and then seems fidgeting in the search for words, running a hand through his short curls. David’s fingers itch with the desire of stopping them. «It’s complicated. And nothing you should worry about now.»

«I can’t not be worried if you clearly have a problem with staying in my same room and I don’t remember why.»

«David, just... Trust me on this? You look like you haven’t slept for a week and you’ve just got out of the hospital. You really shouldn’t have to be worried about anything that isn’t your personal health right now.»

David wants to answer but Juan moves away from the window and towards the door. «And I should really tidy your kitchen, so...»

The time of a blink and Juan has disappeared, leaving behind a very confused David. The goalkeeper frowns and thinks he’s just going to wait for him to return, since he surely couldn’t have created a mess to prepare some sandwiches, and try to press him some more, but then it’s taking Juan so long to clean one knife and a cutting board. So much that David feels his brain starting to shut up and he snuggles more in the blanket around him, closing his eyes and letting himself drifting off. He wishes he had here one of the blankets they used to share in Manchester, so that he could have Juan’s scent on it, at least, since he apparently can’t have right now Juan’s body pressed against his.

When David wakes up, the light is softer in the room – Juan must have moved the sunblind so that now they block the afternoon sun outside the house, in order not to wake him up. The midfielder is sat on the armchair right across from the sofa where David was asleep, his feet propped up on the table and a book in his hands. The goalkeeper can’t read the title from where he is, but decides to keep still for some minutes and just look at Juan while he’s not aware he’s awake. To watch those loved features while they don’t have on them that sad look they had all the time that morning.

Juan flips a page and notices that David’s eyes are open. «Hey. I hope I didn’t wake you, but I wanted to keep an eye on you, if something happened, so I sat here...»

The sandwiches lie untouched on the coffee table. David wonders idly for a second if Juan has eaten something since he landed in Spain. He presses his hands against his eyes and rubs the sleep out.

«Juan... Look, I don’t want to hurt you. But having you here treating me like I am a swan made of Swarovski crystal that you can’t touch even with your thought and without me knowing why you’re acting like this isn’t great. I don’t know what I have done but if having you here means watching you from a distance and you making a sad face all the time and trying to hide it and failing at it, honestly, I prefer to be with someone else. I don’t know, if you hate me so much that you have problems even looking at me in the eyes you’re not forced to stay here, you can go back to Manchester and I can call someone else to check that I don’t faint again. If apparently now you hate me, I don’t even know why they called you when I crashed against the post.»

«That’s because you’re a damn coward who didn’t have the courage to tell your friends here that we broke up.» And as soon as Juan finishes his sentence he closes his eyes and tells himself he’s an idiot.

David feels the colour on his face drain and the sensation of having just received a punch in his stomach. «We broke up? What the fuck are you saying?»

«I really shouldn’t say anything more. I shouldn’t have talked before too, actually.» Juan makes a move and stands up, away from the armchair, but this time David isn’t having any. He ignores the headache that threatens to split his head in two when he gets on his feet too fast.

«The fuck you’re not saying anything more. How you suppose I can stay quiet and wait for my memory to come back when you’ve just dropped something so big?»

«You should sit down.»

«Juan. For fuck’s sake. I don’t care at all what the doctor said about my memory, I want you to talk about what I forgot.»

«You might not care, but I still do. Listen, at least sit down. I promise I will tell you what happened, but only if you start caring about your health. You suffered from a head injury just yesterday.» _And I don’t know how you’ll react to this_ , he wants to add.

In any other occasion David would laugh at Juan being mother hen and telling him to preserve his health before anything else. But now he’s between shocked for the revelation and angry at his boyfriend (is he?) for not saying more, so, without a word, he sits back down on the sofa where he slept and looks at Juan, waiting.

«We... broke up?» David prompts Juan.

Juan sighs. «Look, it’s more like we took a period of separation. We never really said we weren’t together anymore, but that we needed a pause and we took it.»

«Ok,» says David. «But, why? For what I remember, we were planning our holidays together, you said you wanted to show me Asturias this year and I remember I agreed. And we were happy, our season ended well, we had each other, and we were finally going to relax.»

«I thought it was like this too, but one day Real Madrid came asking for you, again. And though you didn’t accept their offer as soon as it arrived, I could see you were reflecting on it. You never really said to me that you wouldn’t go, just that you were happy with what you had in Manchester. We even went on holiday together and you still didn’t have accepted any offer from them. Then we came back and went to the States with the team for the summer tournament there, and one day after training Mourinho asks you to talk with him. When you came back to the room, you didn’t say anything at first, but then that night you told me the coach asked you to choose and to choose now, because the season was starting and he wanted to know which his players would have been.»

David doesn’t remember anything of this and it’s like hearing the story of what happened to a person he knows. It’s hard to keep his focus on the fact that what Juan is saying is actually what he himself did in his life.

«And that’s when you told me you were thinking to accept the offer. That you were happy at Manchester, it was true, but you thought it was time to take up a new challenge. That Real Madrid was the greatest challenge you could find, and you wouldn’t have found it another time, not if you refused them once more.»

David frowns. It’s true, everything Juan said, but he thought like this years ago, the summer when he decided to actually leave and the transfer failed only because of bureaucracy. But during this last season, the thought of leaving didn’t even cross his mind, happy to be one of the most important players of Manchester United and to share his life with Juan.

«So, you went. For how much I hated to see you leaving, I wouldn’t ever even dream of asking you to give up on this to stay with me. It was important to you, and we talked a lot about how we were going to make this work. And we tried – of course seeing each other in person wasn’t easy with two such busy schedule such the ones of our teams, but phone and Skype helped a lot. But then we both grew unsatisfied with it, only a grainy picture of each other and frequent connection problems. So we decided it was time to take a break and think if it was really worth it.»

Juan ends his speech without ever looking at David. The goalkeeper, though, isn’t satisfied by this.

«Just like that? I mean, it doesn’t sound like us, to give up so easily.» David just can’t believe he gave up on the man he calls _the love of his life_ just like that, just because they didn’t see each other in person for some months.

«More or less, yeah.»

«More or less?» He knows when Juan is trying to hide something from him.

«I already told you too much. You should get some rest and the memory will come back.»

«Juan, how do you think I can get some rest now that you’ve just told me this? Some more information won’t hurt me more than the rest of the story did, you know this.»

«Fine. Things weren’t great between us, but I was waiting for the NT pause to come and meet you and talk in person about some issues, because I just hated to bring them on with a screen between us. But then one day I told you I was going out with Ander to grab dinner together that night, and you made a remark about how close we were lately and... Honestly, I don’t know, you probably just wanted to make a joke like the many we usually share, but I didn’t feel it that way. I... I overreacted.»

David looks at him waiting for more. Juan sighs and shakes his head, thinking how incredible it is that he can’t say no to David, never, in the end.

«I told you that if I was bonding so much with Ander it was because I’ve been left alone in Manchester. That I’d have preferred to have dinner with you that night instead, but you were in another state because you wanted to play for Real Madrid. Then you said that you thought I was on board with your decision to go to Spain and I just- God, David, how could you ever think I was fine with you leaving me there?»

He says this last sentence in a broken, trembling voice. He wipes furiously at his eyes with the sleeve of the hoodie he’s wearing.

«Sorry. This is why I didn’t want to tell you this now, I hate to talk about this, and I shouldn’t give you worries now that you’ve just been injured.» He gets up and doesn’t wait for David to say a word – the goalkeeper, for his part, is watching him shocked.

«Well. I’ll go to the other room and – if you need something, I’ll be there, call me.» His eyes are shining with unshed tears, David notices, but Juan leaves the room quickly and closes the door of the other living room behind his shoulders.

 

\-----

 

«...yeah, still asleep, the doctor said it would be normal for him to sleep more than usual, and you know David isn’t exactly already an early riser.»

David stretches in his bed, feeling slightly better than the day before. His head is still sore where he hit the post, but his body doesn’t feel that weak, at least.

«The last thing he remembered yesterday was that we won the Europa League in Stockholm.»

Juan must be talking on the phone, outside the room. He’s keeping his voice low but in the complete silence of the house David can hear almost everything he says.

«The doctor said we shouldn’t tell him anything, but... He was asking so much.»

The memories of what Juan told him the day before all come tumbling down now that he’s starting to feel more awake and give him a painful sensation in his chest, that feels compressed.

«Yeah, he might grow a metal arm and try to kill me. Ander, he’s no Bucky Barnes. The only thing he has in common with the Winter Soldier is the ridiculous length of his hair.» David frowns because when the hell had Juan seen Marvel movies. He’s always wanted to watch them with Juan, but he was always making that face at his suggestion, like, _if you really want to see a popcorn movie that aims at satisfying the belly of the public and not the brain then we’ll go_ , so he decided it was just better to watch them with someone else.

«...I know I shouldn’t have said anything but try and understand me, he was asking and getting restless and- I don’t know, I thought that he was more and more anxious and that wasn’t great for his health too, so I thought I could tell him something.»

The goalkeeper groans. He hates that he’s making Juan feeling guilty for not having followed the instructions, for having driven him mad enough to spill the beans on what happened.

«No, we _haven’t_ slept together. Actually, my back is going to kill me for choosing the sofa. That is, if Mourinho doesn’t do it before, when he’ll notice the state of my back.»

David hasn’t even asked him how could he come to Spain in the middle of the season, or if he’s going to have problems when he comes back, if he had to quarrel with Mourinho because of him. _God_.

«Yes, I booked the ticket for tomorrow morning early. I’ll make it in time for the morning training.»

One day left. Only.

«Have a good day, Ander. Tell it to the others too. I miss you.»

He remembers what Juan told him last night, about how it was a (innocent, for what his real intentions were) joke about his many selfies with Ander that triggered their sort of break-up and he feels even worse for that slight pang of jealousy that hits him when he hears Juan saying that he misses Ander. Of course he does, they were good friends even before Ander went to England, without himself in Manchester Ander is surely the nearest friend he has. It’s just stupid.

«Hey, you’re awake finally. Good morning.»

David looks at Juan, blinking; he didn’t realize he had closed the call and entered the room.  He tries with a small smile directed to him. «Good morning. What time is it?»

«Half past eleven. How’s your head?»

Juan is sticking to a certain distance from the bed, David notices. It hurts thousands of times more than the useless jealousy he felt before.

«Sore. But the migraine is a lot better today.»

«That’s good,» Juan says, and then looks fidgeting. «Do you... Do you remember something more, today?»

He does. Now he remembers the day they were together, relaxing in the sun after the end of the season and after having won the Europa League. He remembers how Juan was quietly scrolling down his smartphone and laughing because _hey David, it’s that time of the year again_ , and he was showing him an article about David’s imminent move to Real Madrid. And he remembers his frown, when the goalkeeper didn’t laugh about it but chew on his lip, avoiding his gaze.

They had talked the year before about this possible situation, when David in the end has stayed in Manchester because of a pure mistake made by Real. Juan wasn’t his merrier self – of course he wasn’t – but had told David that if he felt his way was to go and play with Real Madrid, then he should have gone. He remembers spending that last night together exchanging long, heart-melting kisses and promises that this wouldn’t be the end of their story, that their love was too big to be stopped by being in two different countries. He remembers falling asleep for the last time with Juan’s fingers carding through his hair, regulating his own breath to match Juan’s.

Neither David was happy to leave Juan back, but he thought it was time to change his working situation. He was happy at Manchester United, that team gave him so much. But he felt like it was time for a new challenge, and which one could have been better than playing for Real Madrid?

Also, Real Madrid. It’s one of those trains that passes once in your life, he was one of few for whom it passed twice.

«Mostly what you told me yesterday, something more but nothing great,» he lies. He remembers now the forced smile on Juan’s face when he told him that this time Real didn’t wait for the last day of transfer season to make a move, and that he was seriously considering it. He remembers Juan driving him to the airport the last day, pale and serious, how he clang for a second too much with his fingers on the fabric of the hoodie he was wearing. 

If Juan is disappointed, he doesn’t let it show on his face.

«Don’t worry, it will come back.» The politeness in his tone is excessive even for a guy like Juan in this last sentence. «Look, I saw your kitchen is pretty empty and I thought I could go and do the shopping for you, so in the next few days you won’t have to worry about that, at least. But, it means I must leave you here for some hours. If you don’t feel safe, I can call Isco or whoever you want and ask them to keep you company and check on you.»

David wants to shout that he doesn’t care about the emptiness of his fridge at the moment and that he knows this is a way for Juan to avoid staying in the house all the time with him, but he can’t really blame Juan for this. «No, no, don’t worry, I’m really feeling better today. I’ll keep the phone near me, so if there’s something wrong I can call you.»

«Okay. I prepared you something for lunch, I’m leaving it on the table of the kitchen. Or I can bring it here, if you prefer to stay in the bedroom.»

«No, thank you.» David moves and put his feet on the ground, still sat on the bed. «Don’t want to stay in bed if I’m not sleeping. I’ll go to the kitchen and eat.»

Juan nods and exits the room, leaving David alone. He listens to the movements Juan makes in the house, trying to guess what he’s doing, until he hears the door shutting. Then he grabs his phone and types rapidly:

_Gotta time to skype with me?_

The answer comes in less than a minute.

_why am I even not surprised you texted. 5 minutes and I’m there_

The time to turn his laptop on and to grab some of the sandwiches Juan prepared and left in the kitchen for him, and Ander’s face pops up in his screen, calling him on Skype.

«Mate, it’s so good to see you! You got all of us worried here!»

At least Ander is his usual cheerful self, with a smile too broad for just one face; at least it seems David hasn’t forgotten that he pissed him off too.

«You should know I’ve got a head much harder than a post,» he replies, feeling instantly infected by Ander’s energy.

«I know, I know. Still, don’t make me panic like this another time, ok?»

David nods, a bit moved by the affection he can hear in Ander’s voice now.

«I think I know why you wanted to talk to me,» says then Ander, not wasting time. «You know I can’t tell you anything, right? Or Juan will have my head chopped.»

«I overheard you two speaking on the phone this morning. It’s just that... I still don’t remember everything, but I remember now different moments, it’s like I see pictures of things that happened in my life but not the entireness of it.»

«Juan told me you shouldn’t wait long for it to come back entirely.»

«Yeah, I’m not worried about that. I am more worried about what happened between me and him. It’s just... You know what Juan told me last night. At the moment, maybe because I still have holes in my memory, I just can’t understand how I did let it all happen. I can’t believe I didn’t understand what was going on already before we quarrelled.»

Ander stays quiet for some seconds, pondering, before answering. «Juan will hate me for telling you this, but he would have done this even if I said it to you and you didn’t lose your memory, don’t worry. But what happened between you two hit him, and it hit him hard. Man, I didn’t think Juan could pass an entire training session without giving a single hug, and after discovering he actually can, I wish I never had. He was in such a bad mood that I think even the ball could understand something was wrong with him. And then he started crashing more at my house, staying for dinner and also he stayed the night too to sleep, I think he didn’t want to stay alone in his house.»

David feels an horrible guilty sensation creeping up in his stomach. The thought of the pain he inflicted to Juan without even seeing it is almost unbearable.

«I think not only that he didn’t want to stay alone, but especially that he didn’t want to stay alone in the house where you spent so much time together when you were playing here,» says Ander. «I don’t know precisely what happened between the two of you, Juan never wanted to talk about it and I knew better than pressing him on this matter. But I can tell you that I’ve never seen Juan acting like that. Acting is the exact word, because he’s been faking everything was normal with our teammates, I’m not sure everyone understood that there was something wrong with him. But I know him well enough to see how sad he looked when he thought no one was caring about him.»

«I figured we didn’t say anything around. When I woke up, Isco told me he called Juan and that he was on his way to come to Madrid, and he looked sure that this would make me happy.» Isco would have been the first of his teammates here to whom he would have told everything, he knows.

«Yeah. One evening I was just chilling at home and a second after Juan was at my door, pale and nervous, and he asked if he could stay at my home that night, and he looked so wrecked that I just let him in without asking anything. Only the day after at breakfast he told me you two had a discussion, but nothing more specific.»

David has images of himself too feeling miserable in the last period. He never got to know how Juan coped after their quarrel.

«Since when I woke up this morning I started remembering more about this last period. And, I don’t know, I mean, as I remember things now it’s clear that Juan was heartbroken. How could I not read his face when I told him I was considering the offer? We were planning holidays and our future too...»

«You know Juan. He wouldn’t have stopped you, if he thought you were going to be happy.»

David knows, and it just stings more because it’s exactly since he knows how Juan is that he should have paid more attention before. Instead, now he thinks he couldn’t have been more selfish even if he tried. «I just don’t understand how I could not see that he was this unhappy with my decision.»

Ander runs a hair through his own hair before answering. «I know what it means to leave a club where you’re doing great. I know what it means to feel that sense of dissatisfaction creeping inside you, and that shiver down your spine at the thought of a new start with a new team. It’s overwhelming, especially at first. I think you two really have to talk about this. Juan thought he would spoil your dreams if he said anything and you were so caught that you didn’t notice that he was struggling with your decision. And then, distance never helps, you know that.»

He knew talking with Ander would have been the right thing. He’s friend with both of them and he surely sees the situation more lucidly than they do. «Thank you, Ander. I owe you one. I promise I will protect you from Juan’s rage and save your life.»

Ander laughs broadly. «Yeah, you’ll be my knight in a shiny armour. Take it easy, David, recover fast and fix whatever problem you and Juan are going through. I want my all-smiles-Juan back when I see him next time in training, I miss him.»

 _I miss that Juan too_ , thinks David as he closes the call.

 

\-----

 

Juan comes home after a bunch of hours, and even if he brings home enough food to survive for a month without going out of home, there’s no way the midfielder could think David wouldn’t be able to go out of his home this long.

David, though, doesn’t leave him time enough to find another way to escape and very directly he just greets him with: «Juan, we need to talk.»

The midfielder doesn’t seem to disagree. At least, that’s what David thinks when he takes a handful of seconds for himself before answering: «I don’t think you’re in the best condition to have such a talk, David.»

The goalkeeper doesn’t roll his eyes only because he knows he’ll get a sense of nausea from that. «You are flying back tomorrow and I am not letting you go without sorting this out. I might still not remember everything of the last period but I am sure I couldn’t have been that happy while our relationship was falling apart, so not talking now will make me and you too feel worse, you know that. We are together now, let’s talk now.»

Juan wants to talk, David can see it. It’s just that Juan has this unselfish personality that makes him think of David’s health before of the state of his feelings. He knows it, because his big heart is one of the many traits that David loves of Juan.

«Fine. But you’re going to sit down on the sofa during all of it.»

The goalkeeper walks as fast as he can towards the sofa without complaining, so that they can start. Juan follows him but stays on his feet.

«I remember that I was looking forward to these matches with the national team,» says David. «I wanted to do so many things with you... I hoped we could have some time for us alone, that you could stay even just half a day more than needed so that I could show you my new place. I knew something was wrong, or better, I felt that we needed to see each other in person and not with a laptop.»

Juan stares at him, not saying a word.

«And then, I swear, I made a joke just because I was missing you and I hoped you would say something that would warm my heart as you always did. And instead you reacted that way and I just lost my head. I guess I’ve been so stupid that I gave you for sure, I just didn’t ever realize that you could think of not being with me anymore.»

Juan’s face is unreadable. «Did you remember everything that happened already?»

«Well, actually... I called Ander.»

«I should have known.» He knew Ander would have told everything David asked to him, for he knew how much Juan was missing David, and he wanted his friend to be happy. There was no way he could put a restraint on him.

«I pressed him enough to make him talk, it’s not his fault,» says David trying to defend the Basque, and Juan can’t contain a smile at this. David hides his emotions most of times, but he knows him and he knows how loyal he can be to the people he loves.

David’s heart skips a bit when he sees the smile, little and real and that reaches the eyes. He misses Juan, but these little things make him realize just _how much_ he really misses him.

«I just... I don’t know how I couldn’t properly understand how you felt back then. I remember that we talked about me leaving and I thought you were on board with me about my decision. I really thought you were. You said you were fine with me leaving and I tricked myself in the belief that you really meant it.»

«How could I ever be fine with you leaving for Madrid?» It’s the most sincere thought on the situation Juan has said since when it came out last summer.

David resists the temptation to hide his face in his hands. «I know. Now, I know. I probably knew back then too, even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself.»

Juan sighs, and then sits down on the sofa, next to him. Even if he’s not touching David, it’s the nearer they’ve been since the injury.

«You looked so happy to start a new adventure. You were thrilled and I felt bad because I was so sad to see you go. I knew that you weren’t leaving me, I knew. But I was well used to sharing every day with you, our job and our free time, everything, and when it dawned on me that this would have been the end to a lot of things, I just couldn’t help it. But I wasn’t going to spoil your mood for this, you had every right to go.»

«I didn’t have every right to break your heart too. We are a couple, Juan, and I decided without asking what you thought about it.»

«You still have every right to make the decisions you think are the best for your life.»

«I don’t think there can be a best in my life if I ruin yours.»

«David...»

«I know. Well, actually, I don’t really, I still just have flashes of memories.» Juan can’t really suppress another smile at this, and David decides to count it as a small victory. «But I know I have to tell you that I am sorry for everything I did to you, especially for what I didn’t: I’ve been a horrible boyfriend, I concentrated only on myself and I didn’t see how much I was hurting you.»

«I should have said something, too. I didn’t want to burden you with the fear of endangering our relationship with your transfer, but it would have probably been the better decision. Guess it’s a lot easier to recognize this now than before this all happened.»

«I thought you’d be happy for me and everything was fine when it actually didn’t. I wish I could explain to you how bad I feel at the thought we’ve been distant. I’m asking you to forgive me, if you can, for having been blind and stupid.»

Juan stays quiet, and David fears what’s going to happen next. He hardly speaks so clearly about his feelings, he never felt comfortable doing such, never; but this time he knows this was the only way he and Juan could finally talk about their problems. 

«I was never upset because I thought you didn’t trust me anymore. I was upset because I thought that my fears were about to come true, and that we’d never survive living apart. You said those words and suddenly all the bad thoughts I made about us were becoming true, or so I believed. I jumped to conclusions too quickly.»

Then, the midfielder doesn’t say anything more, and just move his hand to cover one of David’s that was laying on the sofa, between them. His fingers tremble slightly as he tries to intertwine them with David’s ones. The goalkeeper reacts quickly and holds Juan’s hand in his, moving his thumb lightly and stroke it.

«Since when I woke up in that hospital bed, I wanted nothing more than touching you. I was waiting for you to arrive so that I could stay with you, and then when you arrived you didn’t even look at me and I was so confused, I didn’t know what was happening. I felt so alone.»

«I knew you lost your memory, but I feared what would have happened when you gained it back... I didn’t have the strength to fake everything was good between us. I’m sorry, I know you were hurting and-»

But Juan never finishes his sentence, because David now is so near that they’re thighs are touching, and with a hand he’s lifting Juan’s chin up, meeting his eyes with his own. They stare at each other, searching for a confirmation that they’re doing what the other one wants too, before Juan actually moves his head and approaches David, lightly at first, just lips touching and beards scratching against each other.

«I missed you,» murmurs David, and then Juan kisses him for real, touching his face with his own hands and invading David’s mouth with his tongue in a long and sweet kiss, without any sort of rush.

It’s so good, David thinks, to finally lose himself in their shared kisses. He gives up control instantly, actually, doesn’t even try to have it: instead, his mouth is pliant under Juan’s, his lips open easily and allow the midfielder’s tongue to enter his mouth and search for his own. Juan is gentle, even if there’s no way to mistake the way he’s claiming David’s mouth.

David’s hands tug on Juan’s hips and pull him on his lap. Juan’s body is solid against him, his hands tangled in David’s, his fingers scraping gently his scalp while he kisses the goalkeeper.

«Stop it, stop,» Juan squirms away laughing from David’s hands that are tracing his lower abs under his shirt. «I already didn’t listen to the doctor about not telling you anything because of the amnesia, I am at least respecting the advice on the ban of physical activity.»

Even if he knows Juan is right, David pouts. The midfielder laughs and gives him another long and heated kiss in which David just melts. Leaving then a kiss on his cheek, Juan just lays his head on David’s shoulder, half seated and half splayed on the couch, listening to each other breaths and just revelling in each other’s presence after having lived separated in the same house the day before.

«Wouldn’t want to endanger my own health too, if your teammates and your coach find out that it’s my fault you strained yourself while still injured...»

«They should kill Ramos first, for putting me in this position.»

Juan laughs and moves enough to level his mouth with David’s, giving him another kiss, losing himself in it.

«But at least you’ll sleep with me tonight, won’t you? I heard you complaining about your back, and if you go back to Manchester not in the best form it will be me the one in danger from the fury of your coach...»

 

\-----

 

«Wake me up before you go away,» says David, half asleep against Juan’s shoulder. He already knows Juan won’t disturb his sleep, though.

 

\-----

 

As he thought it would happen, Juan hasn’t woken him up. David opens his eyes to find a post it on the pillow where Juan has slept.

_Just in case you still haven’t remembered: I love you._

David’s heart flutter at the sappiness of his boyfriend. He wouldn’t change anything of him. It’s going to take some time before they can see each other in person another time, now, considering how tight both their teams’ schedules are, and David is already looking forward to that moment. They still have to go a long road, he knows, but this time he also is sure that now he and Juan are in this together.

He puts on a pair sweatpants and a t-shirt and goes to the kitchen to have breakfast. On the fridge, he notices there’s another post-it.

_Cut your hair. They’re hideous._

**Author's Note:**

> -I have no idea about what they do actually think of MCU movies or if they have seen them, that part is totally my invention (ok, it was kinda my thought about them before having to read an article about PTSD which featured Bucky and just goodbye dignity, hello MCU).


End file.
